The Mysterious Quacking Duck Syndrome
by meeph
Summary: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is plagued by a strange and mysterious sickness. Follow Harry and Ron as they try to solve the mystery!
1. Default Chapter

_**HA HA HA HA HA! Let the quacky insanity begin! (More insanely evil laughter!) Please feel free to question my mental stability. (I'm writing this right now instead of my research paper that's due tomorrow;)**_

"Can anyone tell me the name of the wizard that said 'f' instead of 's' and found himself with a buffalo on his chest?" Professor Flitwick asked the class. As usual Hermione's hand shot up like an arrow and no one else bothered to raise their hands. "Yes, Miss. Granger?"

"Quack." Hermione said to the amazement of the class.

"Excuse me?" Flitwick squeaked.

"Quack!" Hermione answered again. Harry who was sitting next to her was staring at Hermione, flabbergasted, while Ron was giggling uncontrollably in the seat next to him.

Professor Flitwick seemed to be getting frustrated.

"If that's all you are going to say Miss. Granger then I think we've heard quite enough." He said testily.

"Quaaaaaaaaaack!" Hermione yelled and the whole class burst out in laughter.

"Miss. Granger I'm going to have to ask you to leave the class." Hermione grabbed her things and ran from the room, quacking the whole way.

Two Days Later

"What do you think is wrong is with Hermione?" Harry asked Ron. They had just left the hospital wing where they had been visiting her. Ron was still laughing at how Hermione was still quacking.

"I don't know, maybe she was doing a spell and just messed up." He said with a laugh.

"This isn't funny Ron, something could be seriously wrong with her."

"Of course something is seriously wrong, she can't say anything besides 'quack'." He shot back.

"Ahh, this is crazy." Harry said as they entered the common room. Once inside Ginny ran up to them, she looked extremely frightened.

"What's up?" Ron asked her.

"Quack!" She said looking distressed. Ron laughed.

"Not you too!" Harry said. "Here try writing something down, then you'll be able to talk to us." He handed her a piece of parchment, pen, and an ink well.

Both he and Ron stared over Ginny's shoulder as she tried to write something down. Every time she tried to write a word though, all that there was on the paper was the word 'Quack!'

"Dude Ginny this isn't funny!" Ron said now looking worried for the first time. "Stop the stupid duck stuff will you!"

Ginny looked up at him pleadingly, then pointed across the common room where Parvati Patil was quacking too.

"This thing must be contagious." Harry said, backing away from Ginny. "Unless someone is cursing these people to quack like ducks!" He looked at Ron who was still staring at his little sister in horror.

"I guess Hermione wasn't losing her mind then." He said rather reluctantly. "Cause that would have been a lot more funny."

Three Weeks Later

Half the school had now been effected by what was now being called the quacking duck syndrome. Classes had been canceled for the time being until a solution could be found. Meanwhile the students who had not been affected as of yet, were staying in the Great Hall.

That night at dinner, Professor Dumbledore stood up to address the remaining students.

"We have yet to find a cure for this epidemic that is sweeping our school, but rest assured that all the teachers and myself are working hard to ----- deal-----with ----the ------------Quaaaaaaack!"

A hush ran through the Great Hall as Dumbledore stood there quacking as if quacking was just the thing to do at the moment.

"Oh no!" Said Harry, staring in horror at the headmaster who was flapping his arms like a bird. "What are we going to do?"

_**What are you going to do Harry? Stay tuned for the next chapter for some more quacking insanity as the crazy duck people try to take over the school and Harry and Ron must find the person responsible for this terrible deed!**_


	2. The Great Hall

_**Let the crazy quaking insanity continue! Alright we last left out heroes (Harry and Ron if you had forgotten**) **in the Great Hall where they had just witnessed Professor Dumbledore falling victim to the strange quacky disease that plagues the school! What shall happen to Harry, Ron and the rest of Hogwarts?**_

Harry and Ron both stared in horror at Professor Dumbledore who was currently flapping his arms in a very enthusiastic manner, quacking aloud as if it was just the thing to do.

"This is not good." Harry said, turning to Ron, who was still staring dumbstruck at Dumbledore. "We have to do something!"

"Like what?" Ron asked looking confused. "We've not got any idea what's causing all this stupid quacking, how can we stop it?"

Just then there was a tremendous thud against the doors of the Great Hall, causing the sound to reverberate throughout the room. People jumped and looked around in alarm, even Dumbledore stopped in mid-quack to see what had caused the disturbance. There was another thud and the doors burst open bringing into view a large queue of people in the doorway.

"What the--" But Ron couldn't even finish his sentence as the people from the entrance hall began to pour in. It took Harry a moment to recognize them all as those who had already been infected by the quacking disease. They flooded into the hall, and people began to scream, the sound being punctured by loud quacks from those running inward.

"Uh oh." Ron said, turning to face the infected people running into the hall. They were grabbing at the students that had yet to be infected by the disease, dragging them down to the ground. They were then lost in a mass of bodies and loud quacks.

"Come on!" Harry yelled grabbing Ron's arm and pulling him in the other direction, towards the staff table.

They elbowed their way through the panicked crowd, only just making it past all the house tables when all of a sudden a towering figure loomed before them. Ron screamed while Harry fumbled around for his wand to defend himself against the attacker.

"Arry! Ron!" Ron stopped screaming and Harry looked up to see Hagrid staring down at them, a worried look in his beetle black eyes. "We've gotta get outta here." He grabbed them both by the collars of their robes and began to drag them effortlessly from the hall.

Hagrid fought his way through the crowd of fighting students, half carrying, half dragging Harry and Ron towards the door next to the staff table. He shoved the door open and unceremoniously threw Harry and Ron inside. As Hagrid turned back to face the open doorway, Harry heard a soft quack behind him. He turned quickly only to come face to face with Hermione.

"Hermione?" He said quietly, causing Ron to turn around also. They both had their wands out, pointing in her direction.

"Quack." She answered Harry, slowly cocking her head to the side and taking small steps toward them.

"Hermione, its us." Ron said backing towards the door where Hagrid was still fending off other quacking people. "Its me, and Harry." He said quickly gesturing at himself and Harry for reference.

"Quack."

"Stop it Hermione!" Harry yelled, brandishing his wand in front of him.

"This isn't cool." Ron said, still staring warily at Hermione who had begun quacking under her breath, a manic glint in her eyes. All of a sudden she screamed.

"QUAAACCCKKK!"

Just then Hagrid managed to shut the door, barricading it closed with a chair from a nearby table. He turned at the sound of Hermione's scream and took in this new situation in a split second.

"Get away from her!" He roared grabbing Harry and Ron by their shoulders and pulling them back from Hermione.

There was an almighty crash and the barricaded door splintered open in a thousand pieces. People rushed into the small room, the air thick with the quacking of what seemed like hundreds of people. Harry was pushed backwards, his head slamming into the wall. He fought to hang onto consciousness but the inky blackness was already seeping into the corners of his vision. The last thing he saw was Hermione standing over him, quacking.

_**Alright I know, its all a little weird but sometimes you've just got to let loose on the funky stuff. If you can't tell at all, this story is kind of Resident Evil- ish (I'm a big fan) and slightly stupid, although this chapter was a little more serious than the last, just keep in mind that this is about as serious as this is going to get!**_


End file.
